Nine Ways to Help Your Children During Divorce

Divorce is a traumatic time for all involved but particularly the children of divorcing parents. We look here at ways in which you can help children during a divorce.

1. Is the divorce really necessary?

"Staying together for the sake of the children" may be an old cliché, but if the relationship breakdown is not advanced, it may be the best option for all concerned. Many people give up on marriages too easily but if your situation does not involve violence or abuse then a trained marriage counsellor may be able to help you and your spouse work out your differences.

2. Don’t make your children take sides

Avoid verbally attacking your spouse within your children’s hearing range. Don’t influence your children to force him or her to choose you as the custodial parent. If the other parent insists on involving your children in the fight, resist the urge to do the same.

3. Stay close to your children

Spend as much time as possible with your children and enjoy your time together. If you have more than one child, be sure to spend some special time with each one separately.

4. Maintain your children’s routine

This is a not a time to make too many additional changes to your children’s life. If you can, keep the children in the home and school to which they are accustomed. If a move is necessary, make sure the children keep in contact with the children and adults to whom they are attached.

5. Don’t have your children around a new romantic partner, whilst you are still married to the children’s other parent

There are several reasons for this. It may complicate your divorce. It may make the other spouse angry, but most importantly it may hurt and confuse your children. It is better not to force this relationship on your children until the divorce is final, and even then you should still move slowly involving your children in your dating life on a gradual basis.

6. Be reasonable in your dealings with the other parent and the Court

Ask yourself what kind of parental behaviour is likely to affect your children’s welfare. Remember that being reasonable does not mean that you have to agree with your spouse on everything. Be aware however that lawyers who follow directions from unreasonable clients can upset the Court.

7. Avoid conflict over contact periods

The most common reasons parents are unable to comply with contact orders include:-

• failure to have the children ready or to return the children on time
• failure to understand the Order
• failure to give the other parent important information
• failure to send or return the children’s belongings

Make sure that you understand and comply with the stipulations of your Order.

8. Avoid conflict over child support issues

It can be very damaging for children to know that the money for their support is causing problems or that the parent is more concerned about the money, than about the children. Your children should never be asked to be a messenger from one parent to another about child support issues. Your children should be kept completely away from any child support problems.

9. Have faith in yourself as a parent

The process of divorce can cause the strongest parent to feel self-doubt and confusion. All parents have made and will make mistakes with their children. Continue to convey your strength, as well as your love, to your children.

For further details on all aspects of divorce and children matters please contact Clare Ellison (clareellison@hhlegal.co.uk) or Sinead Connolly (sineadconnolly@hhlegal.co.uk) on 0800 371 407